She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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