It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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