Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
