I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
