I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
