how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
