I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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