I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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