everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
