We're facebook friends in real life
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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