so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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