Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
