dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
this is an emotional support booty call
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
