Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
