I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
