i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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