Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
