Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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