My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize