The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
