My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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