Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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