I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
