I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
