is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
