If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I believe in your delicious
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
