I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
