that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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