The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
