you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
