If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
