I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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