My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
