dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
