i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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