When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
