someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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