Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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