Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
