After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
