Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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