ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
