When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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