Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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