I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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