Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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