sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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