My underwear smells like fireworks.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
