Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
