dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
