I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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